William Elliot Welles


“Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.”
– Mark Twain


RESIDENCE: Rosebud estate, GODistan
HEIGHT: 5’7″
WEIGHT: 155-165 pounds
YEARS OF SERVICE: Since age 22.
AGE: 27

EDUCATION: An Harvard dropout. Studied computer science.

Introduced yellow journalism to SLAUGHTERSPORT.com with the SLAUGHTERSPORT Daily (Rag Mag). SLAUGHTERSPORT Rag Mag is read daily by 44 million SLAUGHTERSPORT Network subscribers.

Can work a couple of days non-stop without sleep and shower… Creative… Productive… Obsessed with details… Eccentric.

Spend every dollar he earns building his heavily-mortgaged Rosebud estate.

APPEARANCE: Below average looking… Oval face… Wide nose… Prominent ears… Hollow cheeks… Light brown hair… Julius Caesar haircut… A patchy beard… Grey eyes… Light skin… Big diamond earrings… Thick and heavy gold chain… Big gold watch… A gold tooth… Thick gold bracelet… Diamond rings… Track suits with his initiales WeW on his left chest… Wears Adidas striped white sneakers… Pink bubble gum chewing… Swearing a lot… Using his hands when he talks… Hygienically challenged…

Works from his Rosebud estate and always communicates via video chat… A reclusive computer nerd who looks and acts like a nouveau rich chav.

Underneath his tracksuits, he hides a skinny fat physique covered with numerous colorful tattoos and a white wifebeater.

He fuels on several MPM caffeine/protein drinks a day.


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